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Thursday, May 16, 2013

SIMU L A KICHINA



Utajua kama unasimu ya KICHINA
kama_________
1. Battery inajaa baada ya dk 3 ....
2. Simu ina Tv, microwave, torch, kikata kucha, mswaki, kiberiti cha sigara 
3. Unaweza andika sms hata kwa tooth pick
4. Kuna matatizo ya kimaandishi mfano Nokla, Blackderry, Samvang
5. Ndege ikipita , simu inaandika 1 missed call 
6. Ukiwa karibu na lorry likawashwa kitu kinaandika "Charger Connected"

7. Lazma iwe na Simu card Mbili na bettry mbili 
8. Kukiwa hamna umeme inaandika "insert sim card"
9. Ukipost status facebook ina post 10 nyingine bila wewe mwenyewe  kujua
10. Ukipita karibu na mchina huku bluetooth ikiwa ON , simu inaonesha new hardware found, please enter pairing code

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

MAAJABU!! SOMA HAPA

Jee unajua kuwa ukikua pua yako na masikio yako pia yanazidi kukua, kurefuka na kupanuka?

Hebu angalia wazee walio karibu na wewe utaona kuwa pua zao ni ndefu au zimepanuka.
Masikio yao pia ni marefu.
Ni sayansi hiyo!
Jee unajua kuwa macho peke yake ndio hayakui?
Tangu ulipozaliwa hadi sasa macho yako, yako vile vile, ukubwa ule ule.
Macho hayapanuki wala hayakui!

......
Kwanini basi masikio na pua vinakua?
Ukweli ni kwamba vyote havikui.
Pua haikui, masikio pia hayakui. Isipokuwa vyote vinavutika!
Pua na masikio huvutika vikielekea chini kadri umri unavyoongezeka!
Wanasayansi wanasema hii ni kutokana na nguvu ya mvuto au Force of Gravity, Mvuto wa kuelekea ardhini, Force of Gravity!
Hii nguvu ya mvuto kuelekea ardhini au force of gravity ni mbaya sana!
Nguvu hii ya asili ndio hufanya , nyama mwilini ikavutika au kusinyaa na macho kuonekana madogo.
Ukubwa wa macho ni ule ule bali yanaonekana madogo kwa sababu yameingia ndani kutokana na kuvutika kwa nyama kwenye uso wako, au sura yako.
Ukweli ni kwamba jinsi ulivyozaliwa macho yako yanasalia kuwa na ukubwa au udogo ule ule.
........
Nguvu ya mvuto ni mbaya!
Ni nguvu hiyo ya Force of Gravity inafanya matiti ya wanawake kurefuka na kukosa ule umaridadi wake.
Sehemu nyeti za wanaume, sehemu za surualini pia hurefuka na kulegea kutokana na force of gravity, nguvu ya mvuto, mvuto wa kwenda ardhini.
Ardhini ulitoka na Ardhini utavutwa na kurudi huko,
............
Mwanadamu ni kiumbe cha ajabu, kiumbe pekee, kiumbe kilicho barikiwa.
Wewe ni waajabu.
Asubuhi urefu wako huongezeka kwa sentimita moja.
Jua linavyopanda na wewe ukiendelea kuhangaika au kushughulika ,urefu wako nao unapungua kidogo kidogo.
Ifikapo jioni urefu wako huwa umepungua kwa sentimita moja.
.......
Wanasayansi wanasema kupungua au kuongezeka kwa urefu wa mwanadamu unatokana na gegedu kwenye miguu na magotini.
Gegedu, kwa kimombo ni cartilage , gegedu ni sehemu ipatikanayo mwishoni mwa mifupa ya miguu hasa kwenye magoti. Kwa wapendao nyama hii ni mifupa laini inayotafunika. Jua likipanda, magegedu magotini nayo yana nyauka au kufinyika na kupunguza urefu wa mtu.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

BREAKING NEWS: MANCINI ATIMULIWA MAN CITY , KISA SOMA HAPA

Roberto Mancini
Roberto Mancini sacked as Manchester City manager
Roberto Mancini has been sacked as Manchester City manager after three-and-a-half years at the helm.
A statement said  he "had failed to achieve any of the club's targets, with the exception of qualification for next season's Champions League".

Assistant Brian Kidd will take charge for the final two games of the season and the summer tour to America.
Malaga's Chilean coach Manuel Pellegrini has been strongly tipped to replace Mancini.
On Sunday night 59-year-old Pellegrini, who spent one season in charge at Real Madrid in 2009-10, insisted he was not about to become the new City boss.
"I deny here and now being the new coach of Manchester City, I haven't signed any agreement with anybody," he said after Malaga's goalless Primera Division draw with Sevilla.
City thanked Mancini for the job he had done, with chairman Khaldoon Al Mubarak saying: "Roberto's record speaks for itself, he secured the love and respect of fans.
"He has done as he promised and delivered silverware and success."
City added in their statement that it was "a difficult decision", explaining it was "the outcome of a planned end of season review process that has been brought forward in light of recent speculation".

Sunday, May 12, 2013

SEMA NAYE - KIKINUKA SI BASI

Amekuwa rafiki yako muda mrefu, mnaongea, mnacheka, sometimes mnatoka Outing pamoja, una feelings nae lakini humwambii unadhani ataota unampenda?? Yagujuuu!!!  Unajichekesha chekesha tu muda wote, wenzio walio straight wamemwambia live, wamempasukia wakamchukua, unamchukia, unaanza kumsema vibaya kwamba hajali feelings, Feelings zipi?? Wewe umemtreat kama rafiki hujataka kufunguka, naye amekuchukulia kama rafiki, kosa lake ni nini?? Au ulijua yeye ni malaika kwamba atajua lililomo moyoni mwako???? Ndugu zangu, Wanawake kwa Wanaume, Fungukeni, zile zama za kuekti muvi, unampenda mtu unaugulia tu ndani kwa ndani zimepita. Mwambie ujue moja, akikataa ujue la kufanya, utajifaragua unapoteza muda wajanja watamfungukia pwaaah wanamnyakua utabaki unalia.. Ukipenda  Sema  ili  Upone!

SHARE NA MARAFIKI KAMA UMEIPENDA HII!

SALAMU ZA LEO KWA WADAU

Fatima Zohar-Godabari.
Wanaume wenzangu tafuteni hela kwa bidii sana, zile zama za kuuza sura na kulambalamba lips zimeisha. Maisha ni magumu hayana shortcut, wengi wenu mnapenda tu Bata wakati hamna hela wala vyanzo sustainable vya mapato mnaishia kuliwa Kabaang kwa tamaa za maisha yasiyo yenu..
Wanawake wa kizazi hiki wamedamburikiwa mbaya, wanaangalia mtu mwenye upeo sio unaishi kama kichwani kuna uji wa ulezi, unashinda Gym kujazia misuli wakati Wallet imejaa Business Cards na Scratch Voucher, imetuunaaa kumbe Kapuku. Wanawake hawataki tena 6Packs wala 7Kilogram, wanataka uwe na hela na maendeleo wasikie japo harufu ya future. Unauza sura tu, Sura hata Chatu anayo, Ukiwa na hela hata 
Fatima Zohar-Godabari.
atakubali kuishi na wewe Zanzibar.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Sir Alex Ferguson ni nani?



Sir Alex Ferguson aamua kustaafu
Sir Alex Ferguson anastaafu akiwa amedumu kwa karibu miaka 27 na karibu michezo 1500 aliyoifundisha Manchester United. Katika taarifa ya United iliyotoka mapema asubuhi ya leo, imesema Uamuzi huo haukuwa jambo dogo kuafikiwa lakini umekuwa ni uamuzi kwa wakati sahihi.
Ndiye meneja mwenye mafanikio zaidi katika historia ya soka la Uingereza ambapo ameshinda mataji 13 ya ligi kuu, Mataji mawili ya Klabu bingwa barani Ulaya na matano ya kombe la FA.
Ferguson ambaye ni raia wa Scotland, mwenye umri wa miaka 71 amehitimisha tetesi ambazo zilikuwa zikivuma tangu jana kuwa huenda angestaafu mwishoni mwa msimu huu na Mchezaji wa zamani wa Manchester United Pad Crerand anasema haujui maisha yatakuwaje Old Traford bila ya Ferguson maarufu kama Fergie.
Uvumi tayari umekwishatanda juu ya nani atakuwa mrithi wake,ambapo meneja wa Everton Mscotland David Moyes ametajwa sana, huku wengine wakimtaja Jose Mourinho na pia taarifa zingine zikimtaja kocha wa Borusia Dortmund Jurgen Kloop japo taarifa hizo zimekanushwa na Klabu hiyo muda mfupi uliopita.
Ferguson atawaaga rasmi mashabiki wa United jumapili ijayo wakati timu hiyo ikikabidhiwa kombe katika mchezo dhidi ya Swansea lakini ataendelea kuwa sehemu ya Manchester United ambapo sasa atakuwa balozi wa heshima wa United na kuwa mjumbe wa bodi ya wakurugenzi ya klabu hiyo.

SOURCE: BBC-SWAHILI MICHEZO

TUKIANGALIA KWENYE HISTORIA TUNAGUNDUA HAYA !!!!!

HUYU NDIO KOCHA MPYA WA MAN UTD MCHEKI HAPA

New Manchester United boss David MoyesDavid Moyes is the new manager of Manchester United.The Everton boss has agreed to move to Old Trafford and will join the club at the end of the season.Moyes' future has been in doubt for several months, after his refusal to sign a new deal on Merseyside and, following Sir Alex Ferguson's retirement, the Red Devils have acted quickly to land the former Preston chief.The Scot has been at Goodison Park for 11 years but has only an FA Cup runners-up medal, from 2009, to his name and has no experience in the Champions League proper.Real Madrid boss Jose Mourinho had been stongly linked to the post but it appears the board at Old Trafford have decided the 50-year-old former Celtic defender is the right man to lead the club forward.

BREAKING NEWS: MANAGER WA MAN UTD AAMUA KUSTAAFU RASMI MWISHONI MWA MSIMU

 

Sir Alex retires

• Thirteenth league title in 26 years will be his last
• Most successful manager in English football history to become a director of Manchester United FC
NYSE: MANU.  Manchester, UK. Sir Alex Ferguson will retire at the end of the season, Manchester United announced today.
The most successful manager in English football history will bow out after the West Bromwich Albion game on 19 May and join the football club board.
Announcing his decision to retire, Sir Alex Ferguson said:
“The decision to retire is one that I have thought a great deal about and one that I have not taken lightly. It is the right time.
“It was important to me to leave an organization in the strongest possible shape and I believe I have done so. The quality of this league winning squad, and the balance of ages within it, bodes well for continued success at the highest level whilst the structure of the youth set-up will ensure that the long-term future of the club remains a bright one.
“Our training facilities are amongst the finest in global sport and our home Old Trafford is rightfully regarded as one of the leading venues in the world.
“Going forward, I am delighted to take on the roles of both Director and Ambassador for the club. With these activities, along with my many other interests, I am looking forward to the future.
“I must pay tribute to my family, their love and support has been essential. My wife Cathy has been the key figure throughout my career,

 

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